Today, I am grateful

“Today, I am grateful. And I understand that this feeling will not last every moment of every day. I have my ups and downs as I am sure you do. I have times when I wish that I didn’t go through what I went through because of how painful it was. Because of how painful it is. But I wouldn’t be the person I am if I didn’t go through what I went through. So I am trying to be more intentional about practising gratitude. 
Today, I am grateful.

Grateful to be alive.

Grateful to have survived the darkest times of my life.

Grateful for the voice I have.

Grateful for my resilience.

Grateful for my ability to put my feelings and thoughts into words.

Grateful for the love around me. 

Grateful for my health.

Grateful for my heart and its kindness that hurts sometimes. But it’s worth it.

Grateful for my sensitivity. 

Grateful for the voice inside of me that always reminds me to be considerate of others’ feelings.

Grateful for the compassion of the world towards me.
I may not feel grateful at night, the hardest time of day, when all of the negative voices in my head wake up and scream louder than my own thoughts. When the pain inside of me comes from every bone and every tissue and I have no idea how to relieve it except by trying to sleep. And even then, the nightmares wake me up. The wars I fight at night give me an opportunity to be a hero every morning and every day by not surrendering to the pain. 
I am grateful for the strength that God and the universe have been planting inside of me. Some days I feel like I don’t even deserve that. But I have to remind myself not to give in to the voices that destroyed me. 
So today, I am grateful.”

~Najwa Zebian


Dear future me

“Dear Future Me, I hope that today you are the person you always set out to be. I hope you accomplished everything that they said you could never do. How many lives do you change in a day? Do you speak out for what is right, or sit there regretting your silence? I hope you are what I’m not. I hope you speak out with such a voice that everyone around you can hear it even when you aren’t speaking. I want you to have power in the way you speak- giving light into someone’s world filled with darkness. I hope you live as if you are the only one capable of making a difference, and embracing that ability in the best way possible. You don’t need to have your name written in the text of a history book, but you need to live to make your words give life to the ones who thought they didn’t deserve one. 
When you read this letter, I hope you are somewhere where all of you previous goals can be made accomplishments. I hope you still remember your past, and pass on your story to those who need to hear it most- to show them that they are not alone. I hope you achieved that brighter, happier life you used to daydream about when you were younger. I hope all of your dreams became your reality, and I hope that eventually your nightmares dissolved into the depths of your past- never haunting you again. I hope that you one day took off the mask that hid the truth. That you broke down the barriers you built, and learned to trust someone- really trust them- somewhere along your journey. I hope that you look in the mirror with a small, true smile and be proud of what you see. I hope that you learned to break through the surface of the water drowning you- anxiety. I hope that you now see the world from a whole new perspective, and learned to enjoy the sun more than the rain.. Most of all, I hope you learned to speak. To speak in such a voice that must be heard; a voice that embroiders your words onto a heart that needed them most. I hope you are happy, and teach ones who are like the old you to be happy as well. I hope that today you are the person you always set out to be.


Your Past”

Written by wnq-writers, found from Different Horizon

Journey of Healing

Images from ELLE

On my journey to healing, here are a few things I’ll tell you: I am sure you know that healing doesn’t happen overnight, but it also doesn’t happen over days, weeks, or months. And for some, it takes years. You can’t take the pain with a message, a phone call or a coffee date. It helps, a lot. It takes away from the loneliness and isolation. It reminds us of the goodness still out there. But healing is personal. No one other than the person who is living with the pain can heal from it. You can have all the knowledge and answers in the world. But the poison that’s inside of you was painful as it entered, painful as it built a home inside of you, and painful as it leaves you. And even after it leaves, you have to learn to live with the new you. Because that poison damaged many parts inside of you that can no longer be the same as they were before. The damage is permanent. The change is irreversible.
Telling you “I’m okay” is a fight we fight. And in our minds, seeming okay is a win. Because we’re not letting that pain make us “not okay” when we really are not okay. Getting out of bed becomes a fight. Winning is getting up after you haven’t slept all night for more than a few minutes here and there, when nightmares of thoughts and worries wake you up. Not sleeping becomes a win for your brain and your heart. And sleeping becomes only a win for your body and the voices that you don’t want to hear. 

So everybody wins and we lose. 

Because they see that we are okay despite the pain they infected in our veins. But when we come back to ourselves at the end of the day, there’s no more hiding. Allowing ourselves to feel the pain becomes a fight and allowing ourselves to be angry is a win. But we fear that if you see us in that state, it’ll prove to you that something is wrong with us. So we can’t be angry when you’re around. Instead, we disappear. We distance ourselves. Curve up into a ball at times. And stare at the mirror for prolonged periods of time wondering how we will be able to hide the fatigue. Because we don’t want you to see us in that state. We’ve been trained to hide that we are in pain because that is perceived as weakness.

Images from Medium

To heal, we have to own our story. And own our pain. We have to start loving ourselves again. And that’s hard. Because how can you love yourself as you’re breaking? Loving ourselves is hard enough, let alone our perception of how worthy of love we are by those around us. So it helps to break and be loved as we’re breaking. As we’re broken. And as we’re putting ourselves back together. And after we create our new selves. We need to be convinced that we are worthy of love just as we are. Whether we know who we are or not. Whether we understand what we want or not. Whether we need to be alone or around people. We are trying to understand ourselves as you are trying to understand us. And we know it’s not easy for you to deal with us. It’s not easy for us to deal with ourselves either.
Believe me.”

~ Najwa Zebian

Images from deviantart

There are some people we cannot help but love, no matter how complicated or disastrous it may be for us. If we could choose not to love them we would, simply because they bring us nothing but heartache and despair… Yet for reasons beyond our control, we cannot help but love them… and as painful and as complicated as the situation inevitably is, our love for them remains simple and pure. We don’t want to love them, we try not to love them… in fact there are times we’d almost love to hate them for the anguish they cause us – but still our hearts refuse to give up on them as a lost cause when our better judgment tells us differently.

And ultimately relationships like that are indeed a test of love – but not in the way that we think. They’re not there to test the limits of what love can endure… they’re there to test if we love ourselves enough to walk away.

— Ranata Suzuki | A test of love (From Agastopia)

Supiori, 201

Statistik dan Probabilitas, sama atau beda?

Statistik dan probabilitas merupakan subjek dalam matematika yang saling berhubungan, namun apakah beda dari kedua konsep tersebut ketika kita diperhadapkan dengan sebuah masalah?

Statistics X Probability

Sebelum menjelaskan lebih lanjut, silahkan jawab pertanyaan dibawah ini:

Menurut kamu,  Apa itu statistik? dan Apa itu probabilitas?

Berikut akan dijelaskan perbedaan dari statistik dan probabilitas berdasarkan contoh kasus pengambilan bola di dalam ember.

Contoh kasus:

Kita akan melihat perbedaan dari statistik dan probabilitas dengan membayangkan tentang sebuah ember yang berisikan 20 bola dimana terdapat 10 bola merah, 6 bola kuning, dan 4 bola hijau.
Jika kita mengetahui bahwa di dalam ember tersebut terdapat 10 bola merah, 6 bola kuning, dan 4 bola hijau maka kita dapat menggunakan probabilitas untuk menjawab pertanyaan tentang bagaimana bentuk susunan sampel acak bola ini. Pertanyaan yang bersifat probabilitas adalah:

  • Berapa probabilitas diambil 2 bola merah dan 2 bola kuning dari dalam ember?
  • Berapa probabilitas diambil 5 bola merah dengan syarat bola tidak dikembalikan ke dalam ember?

Jika sebaliknya, kita tidak memiliki pengetahuan tentang jenis bola di dalam ember, maka kita akan masuk ke ranah statistik. Statistik membantu kita untuk menyimpulkan sifat-sifat populasi berdasarkan sampel acak. Pertanyaan yang bersifat statistik adalah:

  • Sebuah sampel acak dari pengambilan 5 bola dari dalam ember dan menghasilkan 1 bola hijau, 1 bola kuning, dan 3 bola merah. Berapa total proporsi dari bola hijau, kuning dan merah di dalam ember?
  • Kami secara acak mengambil 10 bola dari dalam ember, menghitung banyaknya bola merah lalu mengembalikan bola-bola tersebut kembali ke dalam ember. proses ini dilakukan sebanyak 5x. Jumlah rata-rata bola di setiap percobaan adalah 4. Berapa jumlah bola merah sebenarnya di dalam ember?

Statistik dan Probabilitas memang memiliki banyak kesamaan karena statistik dibangun di atas dasar probabilitas. Misalnya, ketika kita berhadapan dengan masalah yang tidak memiliki informasi lengkap tentang populasi, pendekatan dan hasil dari probabilitas dapat digunakan untuk mendapatkan hasil statistik sehingga hasilnya dapat memberikan gambar tentang kondisi populasi sebenarnya. Mendasari semua hal ini adalah asumsi bahwa kita berhadapan dengan proses acak (random processes). Inilah sebabnya mengapa ditekankan bahwa prosedur sampling yang kami gunakan dengan bola di dalam ember merupakan proses acak. Jika kita tidak memiliki sampel acak, maka kita tidak dapat membangun asumsi dalam probabilitas.
Dalam singkat kata berdasarkan informasi yang diterima dari situs oleh seorang rekan menyampaikan informasi bahwa Persi Diaconis (salah satu mantan Profesor Statistik dari Stanford) pernah menjelaskan bahwa dalam teori probabilitas dipertimbangkan beberapa proses mendasar yang memiliki beberapa keacakan atau ketidakpastian yang dimodelkan oleh variabel acak, dan akan dicari tahu apa yang terjadi. Sedangkan, dalam statistik diamati sesuatu yang telah terjadi, dan mencoba untuk mencari tahu apa proses mendasar yang akan menjelaskan pengamatan tersebut.

Referensi :

She smiled lightly and sat down slowly.

She picked something from her table and walked towards her bed. She smiled lightly and sat down slowly. “I will never meet a lot of people. I will never be able to know and understand why people act the way they do. Even if I still can’t understand them perfectly, I knew that I can relate to what they were going through. Some things will never happen, some lessons will not be learned. And some of the greatest people I met will be forever strangers to me. Yes , I will never be able to tell you the wonderful memories—if that one thing never happened to me. If it occurred differently. I will not be talking about the stars if I haven’t experience the darkest of nights. I will not be mesmerized by how the sun rises if I wasn’t awake until it comes. I will not be in love with the sunset if I wasn’t waiting for the day to end. I will not be talking about heartbreak if it doesn’t happen to me. I will not be moved by sad movies if I never felt pain. I will not be talking about deep meanings behind things if I only used my eyes for trying to realize something. I will not be here if I made a different decision. If I chose a different option.”. She looked up and gave him the thing she’s been holding. A thing he thought she will never have. A piece of paper where a date was written. The day when they met each other. The day when he had seen her alone, reading one of her favorite books. The day when he was silently listening to his favorite music. “I was starting to move forward when you saw me. And I never expected that there’s still someone who would want to be with me when I started to stand and walk. I am moving on, and so are you—from two different reasons—but it feels more precious when we decided to do it together.”
— ma.c.a // I Remember You (From Agastopia)

The sense of impending loss

The sense of impending loss is so much more bitter than missing what has already been taken from you. Losing someone you love cannot make sour any memory of them, but knowing they are yours only a bit longer teaches you to mourn beauty. It teaches you to cry when you should smile, to treat them as less than themselves for fear of marrying their last moments. There is no love when the heart is like this. There is no love and there is one lie stuck somewhere between your skin and your soul: you have not done enough. You have done enough. Their passing is not a sign that you have failed them and their absence does not mean you are too alone to hold on. Your every moment together will always belong to you and only you, even death is not strong enough to touch that. Death is not as strong as you think and it will never be as strong as you can be.

— Wally, Tales Of A Wanderer